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Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Pardon my driving, I am reloading.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

Lord save me from your followers.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

It's not who you sleep with...
it's who keeps you awake

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

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